Hey guys

It feels like a lifetime since the last time I posted.  Let me just start by saying that this will be a pretty long post. It’s kind of hard to fit everything that has happened into a paragraph or two. I've had a lot of health issues for a while now and although it is something important that I had to focus on- I should have updated you guys more often on how things were going. I wanted to sit down and take some time to let you guys in on what has been going on lately with myself as well as with the shop.

I think we can all agree when I say that this year has been the absolute worst in more ways than I can count. Between my health issues and this pandemic, losing some suppliers who closed their doors permanently due to COVID19 and everything in between, it's just been a lot to handle- mentally,  and physically. I've always been very vocal about my PCOS and how much I have struggled with it. I normally suck it up and deal with it  and that was working until it wasn't. I was in and out of the hospital for a few months starting early this year. It started out being because of an intense pain in my ovaries. It got worse and worse until it became a menorrhagia that lasted about over a month. After countless tests and multiple ultrasounds, they were able to find multiple new cysts in my ovaries that had developed and been growing in the months prior. I was recently put on treatment to help shrink them and I am only about two months in so hopefully it’ll help.

In one of the many appointments I attended, I was suppose to be getting the results of my blood labs and there are normally some hormones related to PCOS that may come out elevated so that’s what I was expecting to hear when I went in for my results. The last thing I was expecting to be told was that there was a possibility that I might have Cancer or in this case, chronic lymphocytic leukemia. To be honest, the possibility and fear of it all hit me hard. Some of you know my grandma was diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer in Nov/Dec 2019. She is ONE chemo session away from being done with it all and her journey has been so hard and it has been so hard for my family and I to see everything that she has been going through with chemo and radiation and not be able to see her or even send her a care package that she needs. She has been so strong through this entire thing and the first thing that went through my head when they told me I might have cancer was that I didn't think I could handle it. I remember being in shock and just sitting there as the doctor talked to me about what CLL was, why they thought I had it and which oncologists / hematologists I should go see for further testing. I remember trying to take deep breaths and looking up what the doctor was talking about just so that I can see it typed out and asking them if “this” was what they were talking about. I thought I was doing a good job of handling myself with the news until I walked out of the hospital and felt like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't take a deep breath and I couldn't get a word out to explain to my mom what they said. I don't know if it was a panic attack. an anxiety attack or just me shutting down after everything I had been told but I just know that it was the worst feeling I ever felt and I'd be happy to never experience it again. 

I feel like that was the last straw for me and I just completely shut down. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to see anyone. I didn't want to do anything but be alone with my dog and pretend that the past year was one big nightmare I would soon wake up from. Weeks passed by and I had trouble even remembering what those days consisted of. I lost track of weeks and I didn't even mind. The oncologist wasn't able to see me for weeks. When I was finally able to go in for a “quick” blood test where they would be able to have the results back in 5 minutes, I was told that unfortunately they couldn't give me results on whether I had CLL or not so they had to send my blood samples to a lab to have it further examined and searched for any sign of cancer. I spent almost two months of my life not knowing if I had it or not and I felt like I couldn't talk about it to anyone. Especially my family after seeing how much my grandmas journey affected them. We couldn't tell her what was going on and I had to go on pretending that I was done going to the doctor because everything was okay and I was feeling so much better. Thankfully, I got the results that I didn't have leukemia recently and I felt like I had been holding my breath forever and finally got to take in a gulp of air. I still have a few appointments to go to for further testing to see why some of my levels are so elevated and why they can't find out the reason behind it (or if it’s just another thing that goes with having PCOS. But just knowing I don't have cancer is enough for now. I have a few more tests to get done related specifically to my PCOS in the upcoming months but so far things are finally looking up.

I have quite a bit of catching up to do and I have been working on doing so. I have had some help from some of my best friends and I have been able to finish up about 70% of what needs to be done and I am excited to say that we will be 100% caught up by October!

There are a lot of changes that I am planning on bringing to Bookish Aromas.  If you want to check out what changes are coming to Bookish Aromas starting now, check out BA’s latest post over on instagram! I am so excited for these changes and I hope you guys are as well!

Alrighty, if you have made it this far into the post, thank you so much for taking time out of your day to read this! I am so incredibly thankful for you guys and this amazing book community I am so glad to be a part of. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Stick around to see what's next and watch Bookish Aromas improve and evolve to become the best it can possibly be.

Stay safe

X, Jenny